Well I am unsure how to describe this, So when my body is having a bad day it feels like some of my organs are not working right and I am curious if anyone who knows what this is like can help explain it to me. (context as well. I am not stoned and I do not get stoned when I feel like this and I do not drink.)I am very confused and have a hard time to understand it. My heart feels very weak and can not keep up with the body. As if my heart has a limiter to a very low heart rate and body can not function. When I try to walk I am phasing between consciousness and not knowing how I got place to place. I just notice that I know I wanted another coffee and then I just kind of “wake up” with a hot coffee in my hand and I am in the kitchen. Then as I sit down and find myself again I have to consciously breath at times because I am feeling like forgot to breath subconsciously and body is catching back up with breathing and I gasp.

That is the worst feeling I suffer from, when I am sitting in a locked position, arms at my side and legs raised up a bit so my tablet can sit on my lap. I have to stop typing time to time as it seems with long thoughts I am forgetting to breath and have to stop writing and return to catching my breath. Now I do not feel like I ran a marathon but as if I was stuck in a very low oxygen room and can not breath deep enough to fully oxygenate all organs. So it leaves me feeling like I am not able to operate as I do not have the body parts that can function as they are all running on the most bare limit and trying to run more parts is causing others to crash. Just any ideas would be lovely to hear.

So all in all the day has ended and I think I am going to be up late, I will now writing late into the night. So the story I am working on will get lots of updates tonight, so that is a positive. I will also be able to have some time to myself and have music playing and do not have to worry about people trying to talk to me. I do not want to be rude but I need to isolate from other noise as it makes my brain chase sounds to understand them when the brain is unable to do so, so it causes it a short circuit in a way and I lose consciousness again. So the simple harmony music and the world shut out in the various noises that take too much to separate.

So I am just thinking of getting up and getting something to eat and see if my body has the ability to shift enough will to swallow foods and such. Yeah that sometimes gets difficult, to eat is sometimes when I am like this is almost seems like I have a block in my neck that stops food going down and I cant eat. Thank goodness for liquid meals, I not sure if I can live without them. Some times its two or three days till I can eat right again. So sometimes I have to become fluid diet mainly for a few days.

All in all the music is nice as it is just followed along with the background sounds of rain and keeping my heart and mind collected in a functional means. Soft piano is wonderful in the means of keeping things together, somehow it is the one thing I have found to bring back heart rate back to a slow but functional amount to keep me conscious and aware of things. Starting to feel the pings of hunger and desire for food has come and I do need to get nutrition so I do not fade and become even more weakened.

So I shall be back with more work on the stories and I am sure to have another post ready soon and see how you are all doing.

Much Love

Your Friendly Ginger From The Woods.