So I am not sure why I am doing this, just a day where I cant stay awake and things are on my mind about my life and choices. One thing I dont think anyone has ever asked. Why did I not finish school, both primary and highschool. I have what could be concidered a grade 6 education I think. Grade six at that highest for sure. I just did not understand, anything. After I started to be required to spell and do more then basics maths and sciences. I just all went over my head, never understood any of it. The only reason they moved me up was that the schools were just getting the rules that no one was to be left behind. Even if failing all courses you moved up. Wonder why you have retards everywhere, that is why.

So what happend, I just gave up, thats all. I just slept in classes and handed in test and homework that had the comment “I dont understand” written on more pages then any answer. Math and science was just a chance for me to sleep more. English was just me leaving after 4 minutes or so. They tried to stop me and I just said “I dont get it” and walked out. Anything else, I just left or slept, none of anything they ever tried worked. Nothing stuck so I just left all together. No one really cared and I tried later in life to go back for my GED. Same thing, even as a adult in a course, I just dont understand. It goes in my head and then that is it, it becomes a black hole it all falls into. No matter how hard I try I cannot remember how to do anything they tought in school. I kinda just faked it until I made it in life. Still cant do much math or understand much when it comes to being tought, like I said, sucked into a black hole that eats everything.

I have had many people try and teach me and get frustrated with me then that is as far as it goes. Just left to deal, not complaining as after so long of people getting pissed with you over something you cant understand, you just kinda give up and hope your life dosent have you dealing with many people. I got lucky in a way and had my brain tumour, so I just was removed from the world, better that way. I clean and do the basic things of life to help parents and when they pass, I know they are the last of those who care enough to help, I plan on leaving with them, sounds really messed up and depressing but the basics of life cannot be achieved by myself, living in the woods is the most peace and hope I have found were I can belong, if I dont have that ready by the time things and people age out, I shall join them. I just know that I cannot formulate ways to get food, have anywhere to live, (the cost of a bachlor is far beyond what goverment gives me though disability. by like almost 800$ easy. That is before food cost, water cost, hydro and all else. So I will help the parental units for as long as they are here then I think I will follow them home.

Though I have great words and thoughts written here at times. Silence is the world I have to live in if I wish to talk to others. I have too much of a problem when using thought and voice. It becomes overwelming and I just gave up on comunication that way. So you are my everything, the ones I talk to the most because no one else will take my written word to heart because they see my written word and assume the rest of me operates just as well.

However that is not true.

So I just wanted to talk about this and get it off my chest, been sitting there for a while.

Much Love

Your Friendly Ginger From The Woods.