Yes I know its just after high noon, I eneded having to sleep extra, I woke up and had a hard time standing. I am not sure if I have ever mentioned it, After the operation to remove the tumour. I have some issues, not just mental like I have previous discribed but physical as well. When I woke up, some days are like this but not often, I had a very hard time walking. My legs are not strong nough to hold my weifght and they collaps under me. They feel like hollow shells, As if the skin on the outside is the only existence and everything uner the skijn is just warm air. I have to think and focus alot to move my feet and what i end up doing is just crawling on my forearms to a sitting position. After about 30 mins or so i have enougjh gumtion to stand and hold myself up for a short time. Then i have to sit and massage the thighs. That dosent do anythign but it helps in my head.

If I am going to talk about that I must also talk about other things that happen, some are fun i guess. I have seem to be dulled to major pain. I have cut myself to the bone a few times now and i never blead just a gash that you can see everything. From veins to tendons. They just sit there and and function. Kinda cool but not so much because i worry one time i will get a bad injury and not notice it right away. Oh well, if that time comes I will not fear it but face it with a cold mind and try to live through it.

What eles is kinda funky about my body after op. Oh the left side of my face is numb, I dont get bags under my left eye, took a bad burn to my forehead and did not notice. Just noting, however my left eye is slowly losing its light i call it. over time it gets darker and darker to see out of. like the light cannot get through and things are shadows and shit some days others it still works alright. Just how it is. I do get to wear a eye patch on really bad days because the light from outside sometimes feels like its boring though my eye. So i can play pirate that day. Its all in how you look at things. I wish i was a better and stonger man, It just cant be and that is ok, I am a man of nature now and wish to be gifted what i need from there.

I think that many times in my life that I am not worthy of love or kinship, for who would love a broken man who cannot provide. This is foolish as love for myself is greater then others but i still seek kinship and think i wil not find it in my life. To live as a broken man that can become better then most. I hope so, for the monment I must proceed on my owm.

Untill later my friends.

Your Friendly Ginger From The Woods