life and thoughts

Well, how to explain why? Why i am doing tis and why I am even taking the hard route? Or if this route seems so endeverous and broken from what is called ummm….. normal i guess. To the point i am leaving the world of ease.Called the curse of convince, a name i guess is more dramatic then what it really is. I find all the things we pay for in extra is what has cursed us with a seditatry endless roundabout. we pay for the things that are to make our lives easier but have cost us our lives in meanting. I hold no oblivious notions that not all are capable of doing this and for that, i hold hope they are able to find a excape from the endless. Examples i can imagin you are screaming, i said my name for it was over dramatic and yet i try to build up such emotional attachments to the thing i refuse to even tell you. Well this list is a part of my shame as well. Dishwashers, indulgence in the fleeting, i guess even the very thing you are on has its more tendencies to be a very……. well i know of only the word infected with indulgence. I do sound ever so critical about what i have become dependent upon in life. Remembering fond days of watching the very next episode of the families favorite show while eating dinner. forever amazed by the next phone we bragged about and even at this point classes of people form between android and apple users. From even, well what we can even call storirs, for really like much we read anymore are but fabrications of a event so the individual are socialy deemed unique. Stories of the dating world in cases being devided by the things we hold more in our hand then the pockets they are meant to fit in. Of course, the onlything i could be ranting abot would be the cellphone., One of the milestones in our existence much like the building of the first line factory., Even sucn great comparisons could be made between the cellular devive and the wheel. THe internet gave us the ability to always be together online berfore this, that i know. Yet that still gave us a devide from the reality we live in to the electronic slavery we are bound too now. Like i would say, even calling them that would be over dramatic but i think i am trying to live the life i want to create. Much like how we dream how our youth was, we call it more innocent and enduring. The thing is when I say this i dont want the enduring memories wrapped in the gental care and embrase of nastolga. If i wanted that i would go back to the time when drugs made the years blow by like a quaint moment of youthful blissI now curse with its wastes time, knowing the pains and selfhatred i hold now would be so lessend by what would be mute knowlage at my now age has given me. i want to go to the time when i have to work for each meal.Each day having meaning as if it is not wisely used, could be the death in the later days for myself. Quite literal in the very sence that i wiuld have to face the cold embrase of the forever sleep due to one day being called a “easy day”. I have liniage in the world, the genetic pressence I have partley created. Holds such………. well i just dont know how to say it just yet. Day one of this onslaught of what i am is more to leave more likely disgust then any pity for kinship with me one would feel. Thats ok, To be honest I think if we are honest with ouselves more hateful memories always flood forth when you have a past that has more reason to be called a asshole then a friend. Though with that I have few friends who would be willing to be ther for me, They are not forgotten and are charished endlessly.

Ugh i have been here too long, the stove is creaking ith the slow burn of the coals and i wish for the night to have any comfort i have to fill it. it hungers and with what it craves it gives me warmth for the cold night ahead.

thank you for reading my ramblings. i will become more clear with each day. my resons even more understandable. Untill then i thatnk you.

Ginger From the Woods